Something I Need
by iheartShules
Summary: John is everyone's savior but Joss only wants to save him. ::AU:: Rated T. Angst then fluff ;D
1. Chapter 1

**_AN:THIS IS AU and not just because Carter is alive. Everything is canon up till the last few minutes of 3x09 where she dies and then everything past that is AU ;D But you'll see what I mean soon enough. And this WAS supposed to be in Careese Themes but I kept writing and writing and writing some more and it became too long to keep it in Themes :/ I have a problem and it's called Careese-itis!  
_**

 ** _Italics is a flashback._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing as usual._**

* * *

 _John, Joss, and Fusco stayed hunkered down, they were in a firefight with some heavily armed men and women. "Who are these people?" Joss demanded softly as bullets whizzed by rapidly._

 _"ISA, they want Root," John said quietly._

 _"Why don't we just hand them Cocoa Puffs then?" Fusco griped._

 _John shook his head. "Can't, we can't let them gain access to the machine."_

 _"To the what?" Fusco demanded._

 _"Never mind," John muttered. John had told Joss all about the machine one evening over wine after she guessed about the super computer to Finch. John only asked her to keep Fusco out of the loop to protect him and she agreed._

 _Shaw's voice interrupted them over the earwigs. "Reese, we are in a bit of a bind. I can't get Finch or Root to safety from here,"Shaw admitted. John glanced over to where Shaw, Finch, and Root were, seeing that they stuck in a corner with ISA agents nearly surrounding them and closing in. If he didn't cause a distraction, they'd reach Root and surely they would kill Finch and Shaw._

 _"I know." he muttered before looking at Carter. "Carter, give me your gun." he said urgently, without telling her anything. He couldn't. Joss wouldn't let him do what he had planned._

 _She furrowed her brows as she handed it to him. "Why?" she asked and he didn't answer her as he set it down on the ground before looking back at her, then to Fusco._

 _"Fusco, in a minute you know what I'll need you to do." He said slowly and Lionel just furrowed his brows, not understanding._

 _"Oh no, wonder-boy you've been hanging around Fruit Loops too much, now you're talking in riddles like her," he muttered._

 _John ignored him as he eyed Carter, not really wanting to say what he wanted to her with an audience, but he needed her to know, just in case, because he only had half of a clip in his Sig Sauer and whatever Carter had left in her piece. "Carter…"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I love you." he said and with that he grabbed her gun and stood up, moving out into the open, and drawing the fire from the ISA agents away from Finch, Root, and Shaw.._

 _"JOHN!" Joss cried and Fusco realized now what wonder-boy meant, because he immediately grabbed her so she couldn't get up. Rapid and steady gunfire filled the air._

 _"RUN." John demanded hoarsely over all their comms._

 _"Let me go, Fusco, I have to go to him!" Joss begged as he curled an arm around her and hefted her onto his shoulder, carrying her towards the exit as Root and Shaw ran towards the same one, protecting Finch from any gunfire, firing at agents who looked away from John to them. "No, no! LET ME GO! HE NEEDS ME!" she screamed as she watched John fall to his knees as he was hit not once, not twice, but three separate times. "JOHN!" she sobbed as he laid on the ground before he disappeared from her view as Fusco slipped out of the exit with Finch, Root, and Shaw hot on their trail._

* * *

Fusco yawned as he entered the precinct. It was a gloomy Monday morning and he had a feeling Carter's mood was going to match. Though he couldn't fully fault her less than sunny disposition, not with the fact that she most likely blamed him for what happened. Although in his defense Reese would have shot him dead had he allowed anything to happen to Carter. If there was anything that mattered to the big guy it was her. But still he couldn't erase Carter's desperate screams to let her get to Reese as he carried her away from him.

Fusco pushed the double doors open to enter the bullpen and he immediately saw Carter in street clothes, with a big white box throwing things on her desk into it.

He immediately rushed over to her forgetting about his idea of getting that much needed coffee. "What's going on, Carter?" he asked as he stopped short beside her.

Carter didn't bother lifting her gaze, instead she was intently looking through drawers. "I just quit Fusco, I'm taking my twenty." she muttered flinging things into her box haphazardly, not even pausing long enough to spare him a look.

"You can't be serious, Carter."

She still didn't bother to look up. "I'm dead serious."

"But you love being a cop."

"I do, but there is something missing from my life that I love more," she said quietly. He grabbed her forearm, forcing her to stop, and acknowledge him. This had to be a gut reaction to what John said, to what had happened, to their search coming up empty handed. She wasn't thinking straight.

She finally looked up at him and Fusco felt sucker punched in the gut from the pain in her eyes. God, did he wish he could help her with it but he couldn't. "Aren't you being rash, John wouldn't want this," he said as gently as he could, but firm enough to penetrate that pain she was dealing with. Joss snatched her arm out of his grip.

"You do not get to tell me what John would or would not want me to do, Fusco."

"He wouldn't want you throwing away your career for him, that much I know. You had dreams of being this precinct's captain," Fusco tried to reason with her.

"You know what trumps my dream of being this precinct's captain?…John."

Fusco reached out, laying a hand over hers. "Look, I know this has been hard on you, especially since the big guy decided to finally tell you how he felt, but our friendly weirdos are looking for him."

She scoffed. "Like I trust them to find and bring John home, not when they are the reason he's missing. I'd rather trust the devil himself than ever trust in those three again."

"You can't possibly mean that," Fusco said, surprised at the anger Carter had for Glasses, Cocoa Puffs, and the gun happy dwarf.

"Yes I do. John was gunned down by ISA because he caused a diversion to help Finch, Root, and Shaw escape. John wouldn't have even been there had they just listened to him, he said it sounded like a trap and they fell for it. But no, why listen to John, he's just the dumb muscle, let's listen to Root because she's got that stupid computer in her head." Fusco heard the anguish pouring out of her as she spoke and with each new word her voice grew uneven and more upset. Carter sounded close to tears. "So who do the wonder three call to save their asses: John, who was busy working to save another life. Good ole' John will come and save the day for them. You and I tagged along with him to try to help and John is the one left behind, John is the one to save everyone but himself. Because everyone else ran to the door like damn cowards that they are," she snarled, cupping her hand over her mouth to strangle the sob that nearly escaped her.

Fusco quietly stood there, pressing a hand to her shoulder in silent comfort. "And I dragged you away from him," he whispered.

After a moment she dropped her hand down, looking pale, but together. "You did, but you were only doing what John wanted for me because John's a good man and wanted to protect people. Finch, Root, and Shaw….they aren't good people. They threw him to the wolves to save themselves, because to them John's life was disposable, and I will never forgive them for it." she said bitterly. "They might view John's life as irrelevant, meaningless, but John's life matters to me."

Fusco couldn't say a word in edgewise because no matter what he said she wasn't going to listen right now. She was hurtin' over the loss of the big guy and was lashing out at everyone and anyone. He watched as Carter grabbed the handles to her box, snatched it off her desk and bypassed him. He sighed as he watched her exit.

* * *

Joss glared at Shaw and Finch as they stood near her car as she approached her SUV. "What are you two doing here?" she asked quietly as she opened her trunk.

"We need to talk Carter," Shaw said immediately.

Joss didn't bother reacting as she deposited her box into the trunk and slammed it shut. "No we don't, there's nothing to say, so I suggest you both should leave," she said as she motioned for them to move away from her door.

Finch stepped forward. "Jocelyn…"

"No, Finch, you do not get to tell me how much he meant to you because I don't want to hear it," Joss said with a hitch to her breath. "Now will you please move," she requested. Finch's shoulders slumped in defeat as he stepped aside and she did not care about the guilt etched on his face. She looked to Shaw who had yet to move.

"Carter," Shaw began.

Joss eyed the smaller woman. "Get the hell out of my way, Shaw, now."

"I'll find a way to bring him home, Carter, not just for you or Finch but for me too. Reese is my partner."

"I don't believe you," Joss said simply, brushing past Shaw as finally the brunette moved away from her door so she could climb into her SUV.

She didn't spare her former friends another glance as she drove away. They couldn't find John even with the use of their all seeing friend, so she was going to have to use illegal means to find John. She had someone with power, money, and resources that owed her a favor and she was cashing it in. Joss dug her cell phone out of her pants pocket and called him.

"Hello detective, I'm surprised to hear from you." Elias murmured after a couple rings.

"You owe me a favor," she said in a way of a greeting as she sped away from the precinct.

"I owe you my life," he corrected softly. "So I owe you many favors."

"I have no choice but to cash in on those, because John's missing, and I need your help to find him."

Joss sat in Elias's underground headquarters of sorts. She knew he did a lot of his work from down here, hiding from the police, and still generally being a thorn in the side of all major criminal players in New York. Elias still had a hold on the city, even without needing to show his face. Which is why the fact that Elias had an inside man in the ISA shouldn't have surprised her so much, but yet it had. She couldn't wrap her mind around how far Elias's reach was, he had his tendrils in everything and everywhere.

"He's alright, Jocelyn, this is John we are thinking about," Elias reassured as he sipped his wine, while she impatiently tapped her foot against the floor waiting for word from Marconi.

She looked up. "I know he's alive, I'd know if he was gone. I just don't know where to look or where to turn," she admitted, looking away. She had pitched her moral compass the moment she ran out of options of finding John.

"Yes, I've been meaning to ask you since you came here seeking my help to find John. Why are you seeking my assistance and not Harold's?"

She clutched the small glass that held the much needed alcoholic beverage. She took a giant gulp of it before slamming the now empty glass on the clothed tabletop. "Because they are the reason he's missing and I don't trust them anymore," she admitted. She didn't think she could ever trust Harold or Shaw again. It would take a lot to earn it back, if they even could.

Elias smiled. "I'm touched that you trust me in their place."

"Don't get too comfortable with it, Elias. I don't trust you either or your flirty sidekick," she muttered.

He chuckled. "Of course, but you're an intelligent woman, you knew that I owed you a debt and I would help to try to clear that debt I owe. Sound strategy, Jocelyn."

She cocked a brow but didn't bother to say anything. She turned when she heard heavy footsteps and saw Marconi making his way over to them. "Please, Anthony, tell me good news," she said as she got to her feet to eye him directly.

He smiled, which looked nearly unnatural coming from him. "John's alive," Marconi announced. Joss dropped beside Elias.

"Oh thank god," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes but this time from happiness. "Where is he?"

"He's at New York-Presbyterian Queens hospital and heavily guarded, the entire hospital had their cameras disabled. From what our guy learned,they removed three bullets from his body; two to the abdomen and one to the shoulder. None of the bullets did any significant damage but they are prepping him for surgery scheduled for tomorrow to do more surgery."

"Surgery, why?" she asked. Why was the ISA saving him when they were the ones to gun him down?

"They are going to implant a tracker in him."

Joss shook her head. "They are going to tag John, release him, and when he goes back to Finch it will lead them right to Root, Shaw and Finch. They'll take Root and kill the others." she said. John wouldn't survive if he somehow had brought danger to Finch and was responsible for that man's death. And even though she didn't like Harold or Shaw anymore she couldn't let them be in danger. "We have to get him out of there before they can tag him."

"Going to be hard, he's guarded around the clock, the only window of time we have is when they are going to transport John to the hospital where the surgery is going to take place. The hospital he's staying at all the have been booked months in advance and they want to keep what they're doing under wraps. Not even the ISA can bump anyone scheduled. They are transporting him to Lenox Hill at ten in the morning, they have an open O.R."

"Then that's when we strike." Joss said simply.

* * *

AN: This is not the original end of the oneshot. Nope, the original end to it was when Joss called Elias for help, and that's it. I was going to end it on Carter searching for John, but good news for you guys I couldn't stop writing this. There is only one more chapter though, which will be posted sometime tomorrow.

Thanks for reading! I seriously need someone to take half my muse for me so I can actually focus on one thing instead of thirty at one time because I have updates ready for The Demon Within, Careese Themes, Carter Drabbles, and Bring Me to Life!


	2. Chapter 2

If he wasn't shot up with high powered sedatives to keep him comfortable and unable to flee, he would do just that. But alas he was, although he was coming out of the delirium he had been in because he realized he had lost nearly twelve hours as he remembered distinctly it being nine at night and it was nine in the morning with the sun rising. And coming out of his sedative brought the aches in his body to light, the wounds he sustained from multiple gunshots hurt like a bitch. John needed to think straight to get out of here, even in a weakened state. Unfortunately, the doctors and nurses were listening to everyone but him.

He fidgeted with his blanket and tested out his legs. He groaned as he realized even to sit up a little was taking a lot of effort and his strength was zapped immediately.

The door to his room opened. Just great, they were coming in to dose him with more drugs. It's what they have been doing for three days now. The buxom-blond nurse closed the door, he eyed her dark skin, and his eyes skimmed over her nice ass that reminded him of Carter's. He had stared at her heavenly body from behind on more than one occasion. Then the nurse turned around. John was sure he was seeing things because this hot nurse had Carter's body and face except for the long blond hair. His eyes were on her breasts under the scrubs before he finally lifted his eyes to hers and saw her staring down at him with tears falling. Some droplets landed on his cheek.

"Carter?" he croaked, realizing slowly that she wasn't a figment of his imagination.

She smiled as she cried. "Oh god, thank you for keeping him safe," she whispered as she grabbed his hand and she sat down beside his hip. "You didn't think I was just going to let you tell me you loved me and then let you off the hook, did you?" she teased as she bit her lower lip to keep the blasted thing from wobbling. She wanted to kiss him until they couldn't breathe but couldn't, she was on a rescue mission.

"I don't want to be off your hook," he said and then winced. "Sounded better in my head," he muttered and she chuckled as she wiped away the tears. She loved his clumsy attempt at flirting with her because it was genuine. It was so good to see his face, hear his soft baritone voice, and just feel him again. She missed him.

"I've missed you."

He smiled. "Are you sure?—I've been told I can be a pain in the ass," he said as he linked their fingers together. He eyed the hair. "That's a wig right?" he asked eyeing it in distaste. He didn't think he was gone that long for her to hit a mid-life crisis.

She smirked. "Don't like me as a blond huh? I only wore it so my identity was safe." she said as she moved the wig a bit so he could see her hair underneath.

John's glassy eyes suddenly looked at her in concern. "You shouldn't be here, they'll be back." he said quietly, she sighed as he struggled to push her away but without any strength, he barely nudged her.

"Careful," she instructed tersely as she lifted his shirt to eyeball his bare chest focusing on the three bandages he had and not the manly torso littered with muscles, soft hair, and scars. That could come later. "You'll pop a stitch and whoever took care of you, did a good job of it."

"That's because this is a real hospital, Carter. Look, you need to leave," he said as sternly as possible, which didn't seem to be all that much judging by the fact that she remained seated on his bed beside him.

"Or what, you'll throw me out?" she cocked a brow.

"Yes," he threatened. He just would have to figure out how to gain enough energy to move his damn legs and arms to do so. He hated the sedatives he was on more than the damned gunshots. He felt like his head was stuffed with cotton.

She smiled softly. "Yea, okay, I've seen small children have more strength than you have right now. John you were shot repeatedly, judging from your chart I saw before coming in here you are on heavy sedatives, which is why you're still lethargic. I'm not going anywhere, I'm here to rescue you from the ISA and some woman with the codename of Control," she explained as she stood up.

He yawned. "How?"

Joss smirked in confidence. "Easy, steal you back, of course," she teased, before the smirk was gone as the door opened. John stiffened in the bed as several other nurses entered, a couple he recognized. Joss easily turned.

"Hey, you're new." the man said with a furrow of his brows.

Joss nodded. "I was brought in to ride in the ambulance alongside him." she said with a curt and professional nod to John.

"Oh, by the suits," the man with unruly brown hair asked with a motion of his hand at the open door where two men stood guard. She nodded as she flashed some sort of badge at the male nurse and who nodded. "John, it's time for your sedative." the male nurse, who introduced himself as Kevin, said and he grimaced as the damn nurse injected his IV bag with the sedative ignoring his adamant refusal.

The powerful sedative filled him immediately, making his head swim, as his eyelids grew heavy. John was lifted onto a gurney without much fuss before they wheeled him out of his room. The moving lights of the hospital ceiling caught his attention as they wheeled him on the gurney but they moved in a blur as he struggled to remain awake. The only thing he was sure of was the fact that he was holding onto Carter's hand.

Joss eyed John's gaze which seemed to be in a daze. This would actually be easier with John slightly out of it. If things went sideways, she could do the saving without any interference by him. Joss did still feel bad for knocking out that woman to steal her clearance badge that Control had given her, but Elias promised her that she would be released out of the back of his guy's trunk the moment they had John back in their safe hands. One male nurse who worked in the hospital that was walking on the other side of the gurney pulled the sheet lying on John over his face, which obscured any visual of John from any camera that was overlooking the hospital from outside. ISA didn't want the machine getting eyes on John as they exited the hospital walking closer to the awaiting ambulance.

The paramedic crew opened the back ambulance doors and loaded John in before tugging the sheet down off his face, she bumped into one of them as they carefully handed her a gun settled in an ankle strap. She climbed in and sat beside John. "Hanging in there?" she asked softly. John barely nodded. Once the back doors were shut she wrapped the Velcro straps around her ankle making sure she had the gun in easy reach before she brushed her fingers through his hair.

She felt the ambulance lurch forward and felt them moving, now it was just a matter of when Elias's men would strike. And if they did everything according to plan it would be in ten minutes when they hit a dead zone.

"What's going on?" John asked quietly.

"We're going to get you to safety." she reassured him, knowing that the sedative had to be making him tired but John was stubbornly trying to remain awake.

"Who'z we?" he slurred. He wasn't going to sleep, damn it; he was bigger than that sedative!

"Elias's men and I, he owed me a few favors and I cashed them in."

He furrowed his brows. "Elias?—you said Elias, right?" maybe the sedative was tricking his hearing now because he could swear she had said him and not Finch, Shaw, or Fusco.

"Yea, he's helping me."

"Not Sh-aw?" he ended her name on a yawn.

"No." She wouldn't go to them for any help, but she wasn't going to tell John that. He needed to concentrate on getting better, not worrying about the shattered remnants of her friendships with his co-workers.

She tightened her hold on John's hand when she felt the ambulance come to a hard stop. She heard murmuring, shouts, flesh hitting flesh, and a couple gunshots. After several tense moments with her hand poised at the gun strapped to her ankle the door to the back opened and she was greeted with the paramedics, Marconi, another man, and Elias. She relaxed immediately.

"Hello detective," Elias greeted as he reached a hand inside to help her out, which she ignored and used the ambulance door to aide her out.

"Everyone is alive, right?" she demanded as Marconi and the other man entered the ambulance to help get John out, who seemed to have lost his battle against falling asleep because he was out. Her eyes flickered to the two agents on the ground.

Elias smiled. "Yes, everyone is quite alive; we took a page out of John's book with kneecapping them, and then knocked them out, per your stipulation. The lovely nurse will be freed once I call Marcus. But that comes after John is safely deposited in our getaway car." Joss nodded as they worked as fast as they could because there was no telling how long they had before the ISA realized that their agents following the ambulance weren't checking in at the checkpoint. The agents didn't stand a chance really especially since they hijacked the ambulance placing Elias's men as paramedics and more following them, which gave them an advantage. But she knew this zone was a dead spot without any cameras, so striking here made the most sense to her. She hung out too much with her former friends not to know the ins and outs of the city's camera system.

With everyone pitching in to help they had easily and quickly gotten John into the back of Elias's car with her, and Elias seated shotgun beside Marconi as they drove off. "What about your other guys?" She asked as they drove off without them.

"They'll be alright, Abraham is going to remain close to hear what the captors of our mutual friend there has to say and report back to me, and the others are being picked up by an associate of mine." Elias assured her before calling his friend, Marcus, and told him to release their hostage, having it on speakerphone so she could overhear.

Joss cuddled John to her body, letting him use her shoulder as a pillow. She looked out the back windshield and watched as the abandoned ambulance grew smaller and smaller before they turned a corner and it was completely out of view.

She turned back and looked at John, seeing his eyes were open once more but barely. "You're safe now, John." It had gone off without a hitch, though she did have to use Elias's man inside the ISA to even know where John was at or there was no telling what would have happened. The what-ifs were better left unknown because the most likely outcome would have surely destroyed John to realize he led ISA right to Finch's location.

He nodded. "Please, ditch the wig, Joss." John murmured.

She chuckled. "Don't mind if I do." she agreed as she tugged it off of her head. Elias turned to eye them in the back and was smiling. "Thank you, Elias, for helping me find John and to save him."

"As I said I owed you, detective, and I know it must have been hard to ask for my assistance. I know you'll doubt my sentiment, but I like you very much even though I dislike cops in general. And I would hate to see John's talents wasted so soon." She nodded as she looked at John who had remained quiet and she realized why, because he was asleep once more.

"Take us to my place, please." she suggested.

He nodded. "Did you hear that Anthony?" Elias asked.

"Yea, boss."

* * *

John yawned as he opened his eyes. He blinked a few times as he looked around, unsure of where he was, and disoriented for a moment. But relaxed when he realized he wasn't at the hospital, no, he appeared to be in Carter's bedroom.

"Hey."

He looked around and turned his head seeing her sitting in her sitting room off to the left of the bed, near the large windows. It was dark outside and she had a lamp on. She stood up, placing the book down on the small sofa chair that sat there. She had a long dark gray sweater on with a lighter shade shirt underneath, and a pair of formfitting black snug pants. Her feet were covered in pink slippers. She sat down beside his hip.

"Hey," he greeted back.

She smiled widely. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you but you looked like you needed rest. After I managed to get you awake enough to help me get you up the stairs, you kind of crashed," she admitted as she worried her lip with her teeth.

John smiled as he reached out grabbing one of her hands that rested in her lap. "It's okay, Carter."

Joss pointed with her free hand to the nightstand and he followed her finger seeing a bottle of aspirin there with a glass of untouched water. "Sorry it's not 'good' drugs but it's the best I could do."

"I prefer this."

"Your body won't." she joked softly and he eyed her with a small smile.

"True."

She nodded her head towards a suitcase in the corner of her room near the door. "I called your friends and had them bring you some supplies here." Joss said as she got to her feet and he eyed her. She had purposely said 'your' and if he was remembering right, Elias had been there with her helping him escape from ISA.

"What happened?"

"What happened with what?"

"With you and our friends, what happened?"

Joss looked at John. He looked pale but awake. "Simple really, they were the reason you were gunned down and I hold them accountable, even if you won't. You didn't even hold _me_ responsible for when I got you shot, but I did. I held myself accountable for what I did to you, I hated myself for being so stupid and believing the pile of crap Snow fed me. But not you, you didn't hate me or even seem angry at me when you surely should have. And I know why because you don't seem to think your life is important. So I know you won't hold it against Root, Finch, and Shaw for their actions or be angry with them even if they almost cost you your life. But I will, just as I did the same for myself, because I knew then that your life mattered to me and it still matters now."

"Joss…"

"No, John, they shouldn't have been there in the first place. Had they listened to you, none of what happened would have. I wouldn't have almost lost you!"

John eyed her, hearing the anguish in her voice. "Come here," he murmured.

"I'm not ready to forgive them, John, so don't bother wasting your breath asking me to," she told him. He nodded and she slowly sat down beside him once more and he grabbed her hand.

"I'm sorry." he said softly as he rubbed his thumb in circles over the inside of her wrist where her pulse was racing.

She furrowed her brows. "What could you possibly be apologizing for?"

"For scaring you, it wasn't their fault that I chose to cause a diversion by offering myself up to ISA."

"It's their fault you even had to," she fought him.

He sighed. "Carter, aren't you projecting your anger on me to them? I was the one that chose to do what I did, they had no control over that."

"I'm not angry with you John, I'm angry with them. You would never have had to come to such a conclusion had they just listened to you in the first place. And we both know that you would have done anything to make sure Finch and I exited safely."

"You're right, they should have listened to me," John agreed and he watched her narrow her eyes on him, clearly waiting for the 'but' to come. "But we can't go back and change what happened, Joss. I'm sure Shaw is twisted in knots trying to figure out how to get you to be un-mad at her," he murmured, chuckling softly. "Actually I'd pay money to see her flounder in her attempt to suck up to you."

Joss sniffed. "I don't want her nose up my ass, thank you very much."

"Promise me, you'll think about forgiving them," John prodded. He didn't want to think how awkward it was going to get between his friends and Carter.

She exhaled roughly. "Alright, I promise you I'll think about it, but I'm not making any guarantees, John. I don't trust them anymore, they'll have to earn my trust this time because I won't hand it to them freely again," she said bluntly.

John nodded taking whatever he could get. Trust meant everything to Carter. Joss never handed her trust freely even if she thought she had, she held everything close to her chest and it had taken him a while to get her to trust in him to share with him which he nearly obliterated when he got Szymanski shot. But she forgave him after he proved she could still trust him when he got her son back, which meant she could forgive their friends too.

"Now I want to ask you something," she said pulling him from his thoughts. He looked at her. "Why did you tell me you loved me before you rushed into danger?" she asked.

John's blue eyes were open and exposed. "Because I didn't want to make the same mistake twice," he said quietly and she frowned. "I let Jessica go and she never knew how I felt about her and I've regretted that decision ever since. I didn't want to make that same mistake with you. I didn't want to die without ever getting to tell you how I felt."

"Oh John," she dipped down and captured his lips with hers. He sucked in a breath and she realized, up to this point, she never said how she felt or gave him a hint. Well now he had his answer, because she busied herself with kissing the stuffing out of him. She gently held his cheeks as she felt his hands land on her shoulders, fingers slightly biting into her flesh. John kissed her back, gently before getting a little bolder as his tongue slipped across the seam of her mouth. She sighed as she deepened the kiss, pressing him down into her bed, as she slid her tongue out to meet his.

John was a damn good kisser, so much so she didn't want it to ever end. Plus, his lips were soft and she traced them with her tongue memorizing the feel of them. She sucked his upper lip between hers and he dragged in breaths before he curled a hand around her neck and took control of the kiss. She happily handed it over because John angled his head and deepened the kiss and she was sure she'd explode from lack of oxygen, the shivers racing up her spine, and delicious sensations pitting in her lower belly, clawing its way down to her core that was beginning to ache in a wondrous way.

John pushed her back, ending the kiss, both breathing heavily. "I should have known you were holding back on me at the morgue, had you laid a kiss on me like this one I don't think I would have had to worry about HR killing me. You would have roasted me all by yourself," she harrumphed.

"Shh, Joss, I'm trying to think." he murmured, breathing raggedly.

"No thinking is required, John. Whenever you think you push me away, it's why you pushed me away after what happened with Donnelly and Stanton. Don't do it now."

He looked up in surprise. "I wasn't thinking about pushing you away."

"Well good, because I wouldn't have let you anyway."

"Joss, I was thinking about you."

"What about me?" she asked.

He looked shy all of a sudden. "That you might share my feelings," he said tentatively, as if he was waiting for rejection.

"That's easy: I do," she said and kissed him noisily before leaning back, keeping their lips close, wanting to kiss him senseless but she wanted to reassure him more. "I love you too, John." His eyes shone bright, knowing hearing the words meant a lot to him and probably thought he didn't deserve them. She just had to get him to love himself. He was so giving with his care and love to everyone but himself. She would just have to teach him how to. "I just hope you don't mind seeing me a lot. Being jobless until I find something I want to do is going to be boring as hell," she admitted.

John leaned back to eye her directly. "Jobless?"

"I quit the force, taking my pension."

"Why?"

"I was focused on looking for you; it seemed like a good idea at the time, plus the captain said either I came into work that day or else and I don't take to ultimatums well, and so I quit on the spot," she said with a slight shrug. "Captain stopped believing my cover story for why I kept calling in day after day as I searched restlessly for you. I can't blame her, you can only believe someone is sick with a cold that doesn't sound sick for so long."

"I was only gone for several days, two weeks tops."

"It felt like forever, John. I couldn't work, eat, sleep, I couldn't breathe without you because all I knew was I had to find you," she admitted. Those nine days of searching for him and coming up empty handed were hell on earth for her. It was then when she quit and went to Elias for help. But in Finch and Shaw's defense they didn't have an inside man in the ISA like Elias did, they relied on the machine who wouldn't ever have gotten John's location since they disabled the cameras at the hospital.

He frowned. "Well, can't you get your job back?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"You love being a cop."

"I did," she agreed. "But you were more important to me then some job, John," she said as she stroked her fingers through his soft hair, before they grew quiet for a while.

He shifted, wincing, and she reached over and grabbed the aspirin bottle, before shaking out two pills for him and grabbed the water for him. John wasn't even needed to be bullied into taking the pills because he took them and threw them back and washed them down with water.

Once she was sure he was alright, she crawled over him and curled beside him, where they laid together in comfortable silence.

* * *

Their friends remained away while he recuperated at Carter's, who was a tyrant and so was her kid. They bossed him around and enjoyed it immensely. John was being released to the wild finally, since Carter deemed him well enough to go home on his own. So he called up his scarcely seen friends and asked them to meet him at Lyric Diner at ten which gave him and Joss more than enough time to eat their breakfast. They were having their first official date tonight at his place where he was going to get takeout for them since he was still dealing with lingering weakness and exhaustion from the gunshot wounds. But he wasn't going to tell Carter that, she'd stipulate him to get his ass in bed and then not join him. Not that he thought she'd put out on the first date regardless of his state of healing. But he wanted their first date to actually happen, so he was being careful with not wincing in front of her and being mum about his exhaustion.

As they exited Lyric diner and walked the sidewalk towards her SUV, he had slung his arm around her shoulders and she curled her arms around his midsection. "I so enjoy not having to run off to work." she said.

"I thought you were going to be bored as hell." he murmured.

She smirked. "Maybe I enjoy having you around to take the boredom away."

"You won't think that for long, remember I'm a pain in the ass," he teased as he bent his head down to steal a kiss.

"But you're my pain in the ass," she teased back as she lifted up the rest of the way to meet him for that kiss. He sighed as her lips touched his. She had soft full lips that he was sure it would take a lifetime to ever fully stop feeling intoxicated by. He broke the kiss after a few moments and they leisurely walked side by side.

He felt the moment Joss saw their friends because she stiffened under his arm. John inwardly frowned. He had been hoping that these last several days since he'd been back at her place and she was taking care of him that Joss would have at least forgiven them a little. But no such luck as she slipped out from underneath his arm and let him go.

"You go, I don't want to talk to them," she murmured softly. John looked at her as she leaned up against the hood of her car. He nodded as he turned and strode over to where Root, Shaw, Finch, and Fusco were waiting for him across the street.

"It's so good to see you again, Mr. Reese." Harold said sincerely with suspiciously watery eyes that John was sure were tears but ignored them for the smaller man's sake. John smiled as he approached them.

"It's good to see you again as well, Finch."

"She's still mad at us," Shaw commented forlornly with a slow nod to where Carter stood. John turned to look back at her and she was looking away from them, arms folded across her chest.

He looked back at his friends. "I'm working on her, but in the meanwhile just give her time. She'll come around, Shaw," he said with a quick look to Finch, who seemed to get the message as well.

"Why isn't she mad at you too with you playing target practice?!" Shaw demanded.

Root grinned. "Because, sweetie, she isn't in love with us, she's in love with the big lug. Don't take it to heart," Root said rubbing Shaw's arm, who moved from her touch giving her a death glare for having the gall to touch her.

"I'm not, it's just not fair." Shaw sounded like a child.

John shook his head, he sort of felt bad for Shaw. "Maybe you should do something to make it up to her," John suggested and Shaw looked thoughtful.

"I'll give her my Nano!" Shaw stated as her eyes lit up, looking more animated now than ever before.

"I don't believe that's what Mr. Reese meant, Ms. Shaw," Finch said quietly.

Shaw nodded. "Yea, she wouldn't want a hand me down, I'll buy her one." John stifled the chuckle that wanted to escape him. Shaw was crushing hard on Joss and it was killing the former assassin having Carter mad at her.

"It's good seeing you upright Mr. Happy." Fusco piped up. "Are you by chance working on Carter about getting her old job back? The captain wants her back and is taking her good ole' sweet time putting Carter's paperwork in so Carter can receive her pension. Captain put her on a temporarily unpaid leave instead of accepting her resignation. But that will only last for another couple of days. Besides that, I want my partner back."

"I'm trying Lionel, but she's stubborn," he admitted as his eyes drifted back over to her, as she remained rooted in the same spot. "I'll try to talk to her tonight."

Fusco made a face. "Okay boundaries, wonder-boy, no talking about my partner with me, got it. The less I know about what you two do in your alone time together the better. Carter's like a little sister."

"That Reese is about to bang to the next galaxy, which will give new meaning to the big bang theory," Shaw piped up, earning a look from Fusco. "What? Reese is the one that has had his tongue hanging out for Carter forever."

John rolled his eyes. "I have to go. I'll stop by at the library tomorrow, Finch, and we can do some catching up. I'm still a little tired," he admitted and Finch nodded immediately.

"Yes, the detective is waiting for you, and you need to continue to heal, John. I'll see you tomorrow," Harold said. John laid a hand lightly on his forearm before turning and walking back towards Joss.

She smiled as they climbed into her car together. "So how much talking did you guys do about me?"

"Some, don't be surprised if you receive a gun from Shaw."

Joss blinked. "A gun?"

"Shaw thinks you'll forgive her if she gives you a Nano."

"You set her straight, right, that it's about trust."

"It's Shaw," he said in answer. She exhaled with a small smile twinging her lips up. "Fusco asked me when you were coming back to work."

She sighed. "I doubt I can even if I wanted to, John, I quit."

"Do you want to, Joss?" he asked not telling her what Fusco told him. "Do you want your career back?"

She glanced at him as she drove him to his place. "Yes, I miss being a cop but I won't go back and undo what I did. You are more important to me then my job." she said. He remained silent as she drove. He directed her to his place and she smiled as she eyed the nice apartment complex in an uppity area. Definitely Finch had to have gotten this place for John.

"Thanks for driving me home, Joss, but don't go back to your place I think you should head to the precinct." he said before leaning over to brush his lips against hers and then he climbed out. She furrowed her brows as she looked at him. He leaned down so he could view her through the open door. "Your captain didn't put in your resignation; she put you on temporarily unpaid leave and was hoping you'd change your mind. Fusco said you have a couple more days left on it before she has to put the paperwork through for your pension, so your job is yours if you want it," he murmured.

"Really?"

He smiled. "Your captain knows a damn good detective when she sees one. Go get your job back," he murmured. "Plus, you never did get me handcuffed in the back of your car, detective." he purred and her eyes flashed with desire.

"Mmm, suddenly going to get my job back has more meaning than it did just seconds go."

He chuckled. "Be here at 7 sharp Joss, dress casual." he stated before he slammed the door shut before rounding the back of her car, and she popped the trunk for him to get his suitcase that Finch had packed for him. When he slammed it shut and rounded the front and was making his way to his complex, she rolled her window down.

"John!" He paused and turned around. "Are panties optional?" she hollered and he stared at her, feeling his body react to her question. He wasn't sure if he actually physically answered her question because she smirked as she rolled the window up, clearly smug, having the last word as she drove off. Great now all through dinner he was going to wonder if she was naked under her clothes!

"That woman is going to be the death of me." he muttered under his breath, ignoring the tightening in his groin as he walked towards his complex slowly becoming obsessed with the question that was: what kind of panties did Joss Carter wear?

* * *

AN: I couldn't help but end this here on a coy remark made by Carter. I have not decided if this is the end or not :/ I kind of want to write their date and some sexy nakey time but I have so many other things to write. Ugh. I'll figure it out I guess.

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOX


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